Sense ans Sensibilities

Love for motherland translates into love for Patna for me many times.....Biharipan aka apnapan to me. Do not know why , but have always felt an instant connect with the people from my homeland. Is it the same for others too.. have always wondered.

 As late social scientist, Arvind Das, had said ,Bihar is not a state but a state of mind. To me everyone irrespective of caste or creed who has  lived in Bihar  is a Bihari..be it Bengali or Marwari settled  in  Bihar. Biharipan....what a word!!. What does it mean??  To me it encompasses all things that Bihar and its mindset symbolizes. Biharipan means that attitude of belongingness for your neighbour that the line gets blurred and one starts  poking  in others' affairs. Infact many a times all our bestest friends are people having origins in Bihar. That awaragardi of the roadside romeos which almost threatened the girls of the house to remain indoors. That attitude of streetsmarts to con gullible junta and then bask and show off among friends and peers.This is all so Bihari way.

Have not seen such behavioural concepts in the metro.The so called friends talk over the phones/intercom for hours together but rarely visit each other.Chatting in the parks, elevators and corridors is commonplace ..so much so that people talk to neighbours standing on individual gates instead of  stepping in or inviting the neighbour to walk into their drawing rooms. In hours of need and crisis most of these friends disappear in thin air.They feign ignorance  in most cases. Is this politeness or indifference?? And then we had complained about nosey neighbours back home...atleast they were their for us in all situations. Awara boys of Patna were not so bold enough as to rape and molest neighbors  at the drop of a hat. This is so common in all metros. And moreover the same yeteryears romeos act as family members if bumped into later in life:).

This is the Bihari way of life to me ...the people who have reslience, patience and courage to survive in toughest of odds and ordeals of day to day life.Maybe this also explains their success away from home in all realms of  life and professions. I am in love with this Bihar and even if I do not have a single relative/ friend to visit in Patna, yet the town shall hold the same fondness for me. People from Bihar instantly become apna for me. This is Biharipan aka apnapan to me.

Virtual Reality

She is smitten by the virtual reality for it is rosy and so very endearing.But she is terrified of the reality- for the reality is so crude,stark and hateful.O what dilemma and what a paradoxical existence.

she is beautiful and gorgeous...umm she has the looks and the wits to endear all and sundry.She loves art,music poetry and books.To her family and kids are her sole interest with a dash of solitude and aloofness.She hums songs and cook meals;she loves tending plants and langrously savour the rich bounties of nature.

He is soo average and no wits..he loves pomp and show and loudness.For him success is a measure of a person's character..means a successful person is of good character and his social standing is a proof of his goodness.for her personal character matters and not a person's success.

She is supposed to look like a girl in her early 20s ;when he himself looks haggard,slouched and aged.In beautiful ,calm and sylvan surroundings,her mind is constantly hammering with his shouts and inner contradictions of her life.She meets her friends on the facebook amd sings and laughs talkng to them by way of comments...he meets his friends in person and exults and rejoices.

Aren't they two different souls packed for life together.So the virtual world entices her as much as her real life is a nightmare.

COMPROMISE

We talk about women emancipation,talk about educating and empowering womenfolk.Self dependent women are supposed to fight male dominance better and can be expected to stand on their own.But in today's mindset and lifestyle the core values have crumbled.Men and women both are working to sustain households.Extra-marital affairs are so common...... but all these marriages do not end in divorce.So are these cheating couples not compromising??

 

Yesterday,I met a girl whose second husband is much older to her in age.She is a divorcee .    In her younger days ,she led a very colourful life.Surrounded with armful of boys; she bunked classes and flunked in exams.Life seemed so simple; walking in the rains and lying to teachers and parents alike was coooool !! Now, with life's bitter experiences,she is a saner soul. Her present husband is loving but exacting in his own ways. But having tasted bitter realities ;adjusting with him is the most sensible  thing to her.And I suppose this is the only way out.She has Compromised.

 

Another well-bred city girl is married to a white collared thouoghbred gentleman.They wine and dine with the best crowd in town.All her holidays are in foreign locales and many her evenings are spent discussing about emancipation of women.But her husband has a weakness for girls and is a habitual womaniser with roving eyes in general.HIs wife knows his nature  and is a successful professional in her own right.They do not fight .Have their own lives and there are no fights even.They are  living together too.But is the girl not compromising???

 

It seems,COMPROMISE  is the way and reality  of life today more, than it ever was.And it holds true for all classes of women In India or abroad.

COMPROMISE

We talk about women emancipation,talk about educating and empowering womenfolk.Self dependent women are supposed to fight male dominance better and can be expected to stand on their own.But in today's mindset and lifestyle the core values have crumbled.Men and women both are working to sustain households.Extra-marital affairs are so common...... but all these marriages do not end in divorce.So are these cheating couples not compromising??

Yesterday,I met a girl whose second husband is much older to her in age.She is a divorcee .    In her younger days ,she led a very colourful life.Surrounded with armful of boys; she bunked classes and flunked in exams.Life seemed so simple; walking in the rains and lying to teachers and parents alike was coooool !! Now, with life's bitter experiences,she is a saner soul. Her present husband is loving but exacting in his own ways. But having tasted bitter realities ;adjusting with him is the most sensible  thing to her.And I suppose this is the only way out.She has Compromised.

Another well-bred city girl is married to a white collared thouoghbred gentleman.They wine and dine with the best crowd in town.All her holidays are in foreign locales and many her evenings are spent discussing about emancipation of women.But her husband has a weakness for girls and is a habitual womaniser with roving eyes in general.HIs wife knows his nature  and is a successful professional in her own right.They do not fight .Have their own lives and there are no fights even.They are  living together too.But is the girl not compromising???

It seems,COMPROMISE  is the way and reality  of life today more, than it ever was.And it holds true for all classes of women In India or abroad.

EMOTIONS

The one who seems the strongest is sometimes the one who is in most need of a hug.

Yes,this statement says a lot about HUMAN EMOTIONS.Don't we all have something amiss in our lives.God rarely bestows everything to one person.Common people like us do miss out not only on many material things in life but also on many emotions and relations too.Loss of a member of the family ; or not having them in the first place are some of the instances.Hurting taunting and emotional torturing  of a person by somebody seems to be the most terrible to me.

If and when someone points out my shortcoming or loss in however polished and sophisticated  manner ;is the time when I get most depressed.All relationships,friendship, comradeship and camarederie seem a farce then.And let me confide in you .......we women are the worst perpetrators of such "crime".I sincerely feel women are much more shrewd ,conniving and jealous in their thoughts and behaviour than any man could ever think of. No man has ever been able to hurt me more than females I have come across in my life .....as relatives friends and acquaintances.

A friend of mine confided in me.....She has severed off all relationships with her brothers after her marriage for they disapproved of her marriage..As a loyal wife and an individual she has stood by her decision and is a wonderful wife and mother to her kids.But every Rakhi and Bhaidooj she feels miserable....obviously.And every year some relative or another make fun of her subtly......Loss of her brothers looms large on her.....,It is women of the house who taunt bahus for not bearing a male child ,or not bringing enough dowry.As mothers too, it is the woman who discriminates against the daughter more than any male member.Divorced or separated women are mostly ridiculed by the womenfolk themselves both in front and behind their back...Isnt it?

In this artificial world ,human emotions are the most tortured ones.I have seen the closest relatives who are with you physically in your times of need  but are also on the watchout for turn of events in your life.They pretend as supporters in trying times but prey on our most secretive and weak thoughts and moments.

Do we all not need a person in our lives who  is just a "well wisher" .....on whose shoulders we can cry upon....without fear of being let down??  Can we try to become that????

Hairy-tale

Everybody is entitled to have choices in their life- lifestyle choices. It is mandatory and obligatory in our modern psyche.But what bothers me is the credo of " Nothing is Impossible " that we have taken to our heart. It happens with our hairstyles too.

You have to be comfortable with yourself. Thinning hair affects self esteem, so most fashion conscious men are opting for the bald look. Men have always experimented with their hairstyles more often and with less inhibitions than womenfolk in general. Hair has always been a key part of ones image.and it is not just creative men who are opting for a bald pate..Mens hairstyles have also changed over the years. If there is one romantic scene that has completely disappeared from the hindi movies(besides two flowers trying to peck each other ) it is the hero lying on the lap of a heroine while she tenderly strokes his hair and you could say vice-versa.

Earlier women with long tresses were objects of desire by menfolk and simultaneously envied by other girls. Hairstyles in women have also changed over the years. Now how many of us have the time ,energy ,patience and leisure to maintain a cascading mane. Our crowning glory  has shrunked-  from waist length to shoulder length-to bob-cuts and now even bald look. It actually takes oodles and oodles of courage to go for the bald look in women. Of course the trendsetters are female models and heroines. Hollywood diva Demi Moore and Sigourney Weaver are the leaders of feminine bald brigade. Our desi women have also not shied away from being razor friendly either. Remember Persis Khambatta in Star Trek? Shabana Azmi, Nandita Das and of  late, models Carol Gracious and Diandra Soares have all shown readiness to go under the razor .

Infact,visiting Tirupati  temple for my kids "mundan" ceremony I was taken aback by the number of female devotees who offered their hair on the feet of Lord Venkateshwar.Infact,it was supercool for all the people of that town and nobody cared to give a second glance to shaven women devotees of all ages. Though I was shell-shocked having never witnessed such a thing in my life earlier;infact I was not even aware of this ritual.

Summing up my worries, I was just wondering how bold we have all become and how far we have all come. The motto of our generation is "Nothing Is Impossible"-we have come to not only believe in it but live with it too.When it comes to personal aggrandisement - we stop at nothing-no matter what is the cost to our mental and social health. It is this venom and poison that we are injecting into our kids psyche too,unknowingly. This bothers me.

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Friendship

My own childhood memories are now intertwined with those of my children. The other day my daughter and son were so excited and totally engrossed in making friendship bands for their friends. Friendship  Day was not popular in our school days though Valentines Day had already become a rage then.

Both of them made around fifty -sixty bands with such love and finesse that I could not help but admire their innocence; thogh the room was a complete mess.Coming back from school yesterday,she showed me some bands that were given to her by friends.Her excitement knew no bounds.Her attachment to her friends inevitably reminds me of my new found love of Facebook.where I have found my classmates.Most of them were just mates then;but now they all seem so very important,sometime more than even my daily chores and responsibilities.

My nine year old daughter watches my excitement of talking to long lost friends with a little bewilderment and non-chalance.The other day she asked me "Mamma,will I also loose touch with my friends when I grow up?"I felt a lump in my throat  but explained to her the inevitability of losing out few friends and acquaintances as we grow up.Part of growing up I suppose,but such innocent queries do stir me up and make me nostalgic.

This is my first blog.....so may be I had to talk about my kids.....the love and purpose of my life.....and friends......my new found love.